nori1980: (Default)
hmm, so i finally went to my gyn. i havent had my period since dom knows when. remember pixii when i told you that i was worried???
well i did a pregnancy test before my vacation ( negativ ) but i was living too angsty.. i wasnt on the pill and i dont think a condom is very trustworthy, so i could've gotten pregnant any minute.
so.. again the test was negative (*big sigh again*), but when i asked the doctor what the problem could be, he said (after doing a scan with that bloody stick in my vagina )i my hormones are too low ( or too few? whatever). so if i wanna get pregnant in a few years that could be a problem...
and this is a thing i didnt wanna know.
one more thing to worry about.
one more thing that could lead to an unhappy future.
fucking great.

i dont wanna get preggers now.. but what if .. like in a few years?
nori1980: (Default)
there are some days that you wish you'd have stayed in bed.. wanna give me some more good news?
nori1980: (Default)
it climaxed of course. cannot take it. and neither can tom, i know. and i told him. i know my mum can, cos she did it all the time. but i cannot ask this of him.
and still he tries and still he cannot understand. underastimates.
we went for a walk, i cried, broke down, cried for an hour.
he asked what i'd do if i could just do what i want,.. i said "i'd go home" he said that he knew.
dont wanna hurt him, but he cant take it.
nori1980: (Default)
as i promised before i could sleep
the fucking wankers from downstairs were outside talking again
( didnt i go out on the balcony the day before and ask them to stop talking that loud in the middle of the night?! FUCK OFF).. i have called the police before ( last summer) so dont mess with me..

ok, to make me a bit happier for today.. can read it over and over again DATING DOM
nori1980: (Default)
i really feel shitty... i seriously have to stop
thinking so fucking much!
todays thoughts are around living in berlin or better not..
sometimes i feel the need to live alone..
in my own little flat where i can any shit in any fucking
place i want ( sorry tom ). but this i cant do while im in berlin..
cos its too far away from home.. if I'd be in herten again,
or sth like 50 miles away that'd be no problem at all...
need someone's shoulder to cry on theres always somewhere to go..
not in berlin.. here's only tom..
so you might say.. why dont go back to herten or nearby..
CANT dont wanna lose my job here..
i'm nearly this hotels boss( when the boss is not around,
that is,.. and thats nearly always) and like it here..
dont wanna lose tom, too..

this here.. to make me feel better:

and this ( random pic )

am in an elijah mood today...


nori1980: (Default)

May 2015

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