abso*fucking*lutely

i really feel shitty... i seriously have to stop
thinking so fucking much!
todays thoughts are around living in berlin or better not..
sometimes i feel the need to live alone..
in my own little flat where i can any shit in any fucking
place i want ( sorry tom ). but this i cant do while im in berlin..
cos its too far away from home.. if I'd be in herten again,
or sth like 50 miles away that'd be no problem at all...
need someone's shoulder to cry on theres always somewhere to go..
not in berlin.. here's only tom..
so you might say.. why dont go back to herten or nearby..
CANT dont wanna lose my job here..
i'm nearly this hotels boss( when the boss is not around,
that is,.. and thats nearly always) and like it here..
dont wanna lose tom, too..
I AM SO FUCKED..

this here.. to make me feel better:
http://www.digitalcandy.net/~shaenie/

and this ( random pic )




am in an elijah mood today...